On Building Self-Trust

I must learn to trust myself in order to navigate life.

For me to come out, it must mean I'm at the door
It must mean I'm not the same
It must mean I'm on your case
For me to come out, it means that I'm at the door
I want to show you my world

—Me and U, Tems

Dear God,

I am learning to trust my gut more.

For so long, I have focused on doing what would please You, my parents and the people around me, leaving myself behind. This has caused me a lot of regrets, self-doubt and my own peace of mind.

These days, I am choosing to listen to myself more. I have reflected on my past — good and bad, and I realize that the things I regret most are tied to times that I self-erased. Those times, I chose to go on knowing fully well that something did not just sit right. My move to Lagos is a case in point. I wish I insisted to never go. But then again, every detour I have ever had has brought me to this moment, this realization and so, I am grateful.

Recently, I stopped dieting and began eating intuitively, prioritizing protein, fiber and movement that I truly enjoy. And I know this is good because I feel so aligned with myself and with my values. I am no longer stressed as I used to. I am also coming to peace with my body and my size. I am finding that we can wish and wish to be this or that, but if You have not created us that way, then it is only a matter of time before it all unravels. What I realize is that there is joy in acceptance and it is very important to know the things that can be changed and things you have to accept.

I think self-trust is important because my life has no blueprint as it is my first time living. While others can guide me, there is a limit to which they can. I believe in the Holy Spirit and that He dwells in me. I like to think of Him as my gut, my direction, through life. I will make mistakes, no doubt. At least, I can say I did so with good intentions, then, learn the lessons and move on.

I must say, it’s peaceful here. Life is a lot clearer. And You know, clarity is very important to me.

Love,

Miebi